How I Want to Remembered
1.14.2016
There’s been a lot of talk lately of me being a Bad Ass. You’ll find it on social media, among my friends, my coaching clients, and my acquaintances. In recent days it’s come to my attention that being a bad ass is a lot like being fast.
When it comes to being fast I have a saying, “There will always be someone faster than you, and someone slower than you.”
It’s the same for being a bad ass. There will always be someone more than a bad ass than me, and someone who is less than a bad ass than me.
In all honesty, on the continuum of being a bad ass, I am not, at the top of the list. I have met and become acquainted with people who are much more of a bad ass than myself. These people are amazing, and I can only hope to one day be as cool as them. I am in awe of all the badassery* in the world.
I do enjoy being a bad ass. It’s not that I am trying to be a bad ass. I’m just out doing what I love, I have nothing to prove to anyone, but myself.
It’s important for me to do what I love.
I would say my biggest goal this year is to ride the Leadville Silver Rush 50 on Single Speed. Yes, on my 3 to 5 year plan I would like to ride the LT100 on SS. You know, just for fun. To challenge myself. These incidences of challenging myself, make me a better person, put me in better physical shape, and more importantly, make me a better person mentally, emotionally, and even more so, spiritually.
So in light of all this bad ass talk, there’s been a lot of side talk not only on social media, but through acquaintances, that I’m crazy. That riding SS for long periods of time through the mountains makes me bad ass crazy. Is that like being bat shit crazy?
My argument:
I am a desert flower. My favorite desert flower is the Indian Paint Brush.
I’m not sure why this is my favorite, it may have something to do with the fact that it’s red, and I’m ginger, they are often in clusters, they’re gentle, and soft, among the rough desert terrain. They’re also found in the mountains, and I love the mountains.
The lone desert flower, that is sometimes how I feel. Beauty among the rugged desert terrain; colorful, full of life.
One of my friends stated the desert rose with thorns. I may be rugged, I may be a bad ass…thorns? The visual I get from this, is that I can make you hurt, bleed, that I can cut you open. That I’m painful is some way. When in fact, I’m open, and vulnerable, and because of this, I’m usually the one who gets hurt. I refuse to not assume Good in people, some may consider that Naive. It’s not that I am naive. I prefer to live with my heart open, be trusting of people, I do believe when you do Good, Good happens. And when you hurt people, or don’t settle your debts, or take advantage of people; all of these things come back. It is not my job to judge, the Universe will always, always take care of its own.
While someone else stated that they had never met a desert flower with a metal plate screwed into their jaw.
Or the last time I sat across from a man, he wanted to touch my metal plate. And touch my metal plate he did.
This is definitely not how I want to be remembered.
Perhaps, as a coaching client, you may be served intervals you don’t like. That they bring you to Barf Threshold. That is not me, that is the science, that is your goal, that is me helping you achieve your goal. This is not who I am as a person.
I enjoy the compliments of being a Bad Ass. I think, it’s fantastic that people think of me that way.
I feel, I am less than crazy. Being called crazy hurts. One acquaintance recanted after I told him we couldn’t be friends and was quoted as, “some may view riding 50 miles through the mountains with no gears as a bit extreme – I like your enthusiasm and energy!”. He does think, I’m a little extreme.
We met on the trail on one of my recovery days, as I was hiking up the mountain. Yes, hiking up the mountain, or at least part of it, with the dogs is an ‘off day’ for me. We all need our active recovery. 🙂
And although I enjoy the attention of being a bad ass, it’s definitely not how I want to be remembered.
I want to be remembered as the person who always had a smile to give. As a person, who made you smile. I want to be remembered as the person who made you laugh, and always had a hug for you.
I want to be remembered as intelligent. Progressing my knowledge to new levels. As being one of the best in my field. I want to be remembered as the person who helped you to your goals. The person who helped you turn pro while you were deployed, the person who helped get you that belt buckle, or you beat in the Silver Rush. I want to be remembered as that person who gave so much of themselves so you could be a better person. The person who never quit on you, even when you felt like quitting yourself.
I want to be remembered as that person who always had something to give. Provided you water in a bottle when you were thirsty, cared enough about you, even though I don’t know you; to always help you stay hydrated, even on the hottest of days.
I want to be remembered as that person that gave to the amateur racing community so that you could have races to go to, to challenge yourself. To help in opening your mind and accepting all that you are and all that you can be.
I want to be remembered as that person that gave you a bonus on endurance races for turning the fastest lap.
I want to be remembered as that person who cares so much about you that she shares her knowledge with you.
I want to be remembered as that person that cared enough to educate you about the injustices in our communities and our environment. That person who’s health was sacrificed for profit, that person who took all of that knowledge and shared it with you; even if you weren’t open to hear it. That person, who in lieu of this happening, did not give up hope, or allow herself to fall victim to her circumstances.
I want to be remembered as that person, who makes things, even what may be appear to be bad, and made it her blessings.
I want to be remembered as that person who always had time for you, to return a text, or answer a question.
I want to be remembered as someone who loved. Loved everyone they came into contact with. Even if I didn’t ‘like’ you.
I want to be remembered as that person who always believed in you.
That person who inspired you, the person who motivated you to be the best version of yourself. Your ultimate potential.
I want to be remembered as beautiful, full of Love, full of Light.
Someone who helped you see the light, even if you felt darkness. I want to be remembered as that person that even while finding herself on her spiritual journey, shares in her experiences, in the hope that your spiritual journey is enhanced.
Most importantly I want to be remembered as passionate. Passionate about what I am doing, about what I love, passionate about who I love.
Passionate about Life.
And all that Passion I have,
All that Passion,
Makes me a Bad Ass.
XOXO
