The Last 6 Weeks Have Been a Little Slow
They’ve been flying past, for the most part. It’s just that life gets crazy sometimes, and I get behind.
Way behind.
Everything was going great, until I decided to walk into a bar.
And hit my head.
And get a concussion that lasted consistently for 2 weeks, and lingered for a total of 3. I don’t think, I’ll be walking into a bar for a while.
And then, came the crud. I didn’t know it was the crud at the time. I was down a week, and then, fought a sinus infection last week, the netti pot is awesome! And now, I have an ear infection. The crud lasts a total of 3 weeks, and ends in some sort of infection. Most commonly seen in bronchitis or this year, pneumonia.
The crud, I haven’t had it as bad as some people. From the outside it has appeared I’m not that sick. Or fighting anything off. I’m a strong willed lady, with a high pain tolerance. Yesterday it was in my left ear. I massaged, worked, sloped my ear canal. Today it’s in my right ear. And yes, it does hurt like hell. And no, I’m not going to the DR. I will do everything to fight it. I already have a scheduled appointment on Monday with the DOM. To avoid anti-biotics, I will tough it out.
Tomorrow begins the Adoption Exchange Classic. Silvio’s bike race that I have been sponsoring for years. Yes, I’m going to race it. Yes, I will race it with an ear infection. Unless, of course, the pain in intolerable. I already got some drainage out of the right ear today, so I should be good to go.
So yeah, I’ve been a little distracted. And that doesn’t even include the re-build of ZoeCasa.
My birthday was in February. Yes, the big 47. I’m so proud of myself. Some may consider me an old lady. I’m just coming into my prime!
I, of course, went to Texas to race bikes. As it’s been my tradition since, about 2007. This year, I hit up DORBA’s Isle de Bois race, Love on the Rocks. Definitely one of my favorite courses in DFW! It’s brutal.
Tight Texas Trees, my nemesis, and big rocks. Yes, rocks get bigger over time.
My only goals for the race:
Party with my friends, have a great workout, and keep my teeth.
You may not be able to tell from this picture. I’m pointing to my 2 front teeth.
The goal…
to finish with the teeth.
Yes, I used a Camelbak. That’s one way to keep your teeth.
And raced SS, with a big gear, so I could walk the really tough, rocky stuff, and not feel like an imbecile.
I did finish with my teeth, and a podium spot.
I raced against these handsome fellas.
I’ve been very busy working on myself this year. Since June. Life changing events, especially when involving getting unmarried, well, we have a choice:
- Continue to get involved in dysfunctional relationships based on false ideologies of our past.
- Get deep and work on yourself.
Working on yourself is hard. And I strongly recommend everyone do it. It’s amazing what you can learn, and un-learn, and re-learn in the face of wanting to grow. When we truly want to become the Best Version of Ourselves.
I made the commitment to only have healthy relationships moving forward. I know for at least one person, they may wonder about this. However, it’s me. And I’m conscious of my decisions. I’m not an idiot. Face value is face value, and I’m a deep hearted realist. So, if you’re thinking anything funny, you should probably just get over yourself, and realize that it’s my prerogative to give you shit for the rest of your life. Nothing more. That’s what friends are for, right? And I really need friends right now.
So that’s where I have been.
I have been deep seeded in truly understanding the difference between conditional, and unconditional love. And I recognize, that I love many people, and it’s my goal to love everyone unconditionally. I realized, that I have spent my life, in relationships that are only conditional. From family, to well, I love everyone. Let’s just say, unconditional love is frequently not reciprocated by people; only time makes you aware, are based on the, ‘what can you do for me?’ scenario.
I do wish I had something like a gay-dar for this. However, I cannot close my doors to people.
I want something from you, a connection.
I’ve also come to realize. And this has been the case my entire life. Although I feel, when I was younger, I did a better job at having deep seeded connections. I have a ton of friends. People who care very deeply for me. And that I care deeply for, love unconditionally. I spent near 16 years, my entire married life, separating myself from my childhood friends, my deepest connections are the ones I had in college, and keeping almost all of my friends, at a surface level.
I’ve come to learn, in the midst of having a lot of friends, whom I love dearly, I lack in a real deep spiritual connection. I do not have that one BFF that knows everything about me. And I desire that. A friend, that knows everything about me. I have spent over a decade protecting myself. Keeping myself distant, only letting people in so deep. Defining my relationships, as if there’s something wrong, if people know the real me.
This is deep. This goes back years. In some aspects, it’s a familial trait. In others, I have hidden behind many faces, pretending to not be as smart as I am. Hidden behind jokes, sarcasm, and my ability to wear many faces.
I’m still all of that. It’s just now, I don’t have to hide behind the darkness of what my marriage was. I have the ability to be more free. I’m not hiding behind the pain of being married, and not being loved.
So, if I seem a little creepy right now, it’s because, this is me. This is me connecting. This is me, wanting to be more authentic, and share in more experiences. Don’t worry, I promise, to keep being socially awkward and blurting out stuff, that you wonder, WTF.
It’s kinda like when I turned 40, and I was going to stop saying ‘Dude’. And all of my friends, said ‘no!’ you can’t stop saying dude, because then, we won’t recognize you. I’m still the same person. However, I am the Phoenix. I have emerged from years of pain and suffering, I have done the work, and I’m so ready for all of the Good the Universe has in store for me.
And for you.