Kiss of the Red Dragon
I am in so much pain right now I can no longer be vertical to the ground. I must be horizontal. I am weening off the medication. I know some people like the stuff, I think it is very evil.
I went to the dentist after work, it’s gonna cost about 600 bucks for new teeth. For the real new ones about 2200. I didn’t get new teeth today because with the dentists’ help we discovered, if I got new teeth I wouldn’t be able to put my straw in this perfect little hole I have in my teeth. So embrace the hole in my teeth. I will be able to eat way better.
I would really like to get through the day without pain meds, that would be like coming across the finish line at a race. I’m not sure if it’s possible, but until the pain gets above a 5-7, that would be Zone 3 :o), I’m not touching that, it’s like crack cocaine.
There seems to be some misinterpretation of my codiene vent. Anybody who truly knows my old man and I knows truly how much he has been giving the last two weeks, but even more, the last 10 years. In case, it needs to be spelled out, he has taken 3 days off work last week. He, unlike the hospital, actually fed me while I was there, knows he canceled his trip this week to make sure I was OK and comfortable, and sat through taking my parents to the airport.
My Mom said it best. “When you need something ask for it.” People aren’t psychic, they don’t know what you need unless you ask for it. And my feelings and venting were simply a reaction to a moment in time, which was heavily medicated by a Class 3 Narcotic. Did I really feel like that at that moment in time, I sure as hell did, did it pass, with all feelings, of course it did. That’s the nice things about feelings, they’re temporary, they are based on ones perceptions of what reality was. And since I was not clear in what I needed for help, it’s nobody’s fault but my own.
I think anybody who has compassion can take a simple equation and get a solution. Take an example, and understand the entirety of a situation. Not one flash of a second, of a particular moment of time.
Because it’s sums of a whole.
Not some of the whole.
And then we get to intention. What was our intention? I know what my intention was, it was to release feelings of frustration, sadness, hurt, pain without exploding or without ignoring it. But what can we say of our intentions? Were they to get even, were they to hurt someone, were they to stir the pot, of just to be mean? My client said it best when she was talking about her children, when one of them tells on the other one she just flat out asks, “What did you think it would accomplish by telling me this? What did you want me to do about it?” She told me they don’t say anything, they just walk away because they know and recognize it is simply about being mean. I think, she has a very good point. And I can’t wait to try it out on my little monkeys the next time they have one of there to-do’s. I think, it will have a very different reaction to what I currently do. Which, I can’t stand getting involved in their business, because really it’s none of my business and it’s my job to teach them how to get along with other people, not to hurt them.
We can’t always be perfect all the time. Well, we can actually, when we look at the exact pure definition of perfect, which is to be whole. To be whole, to be full with the 5 components of wellness. To be spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically, and socially whole or complete is then by exact definition, perfect. To accept me and my family as perfect expressions of God, to recognize that you too are a perfect expression of God is the first step in feeling the love that surrounds you, even in the face of adversity.
The thing I love about life is that every day the sun sets, the lights go out, and the next thing we do is to wake up with a clean slate. That’s one of God’s greatest gifts, a new day. With that new day we are given a choice to start a new or to stay in the same negative rut that we were in the day before. For me it’s all about turning a new page. Recognizing that everybody makes mistakes and it’s not my job to hold a grudge against anyone. Jesus on the cross was able to forgive those who put him there, the Jewish people in the concentration camps were able to find peace in light of their situation, the African American in light of being enslaved in our country have been able to move on. Life is about letting go and moving on, trying to be a better person in light of our situation.
Everybody has a gift, a spiritual gift that we were given to share with the world. It is a gift of love and light. Part of this gift is peace. Peace with ourselves and Peace with our Neighbors.
“A stranger is a friend, we have not met”.
I know I am going to be more careful, I also know that misery loves company. Learning this tool, and skill when I feel less than perfect is part of my life’s plan. Oh, do I wish I were better at stopping before I hurt someone just because I’m feeling miserable. I thank God, that I have gotten better and work at it every day and I promise I will try harder.
It would probably be a good idea to check in with your intentions too. Intentions with your life, your career, your loved ones and your friends. When I check in with my intentions I learn something about myself. I can correct destructive behavior and do my best to follow in the Teachers’ footsteps. When I don’t constructively look at my intentions in my life, career, and family I find that I get off track, don’t walk in the light of the world, and find myself in the downward spiral of negativity. Everything happens for a reason, I truly believe this, and I have never accepted acting out of malice as good intention or as a sign of good character.
Pain Medicine and using simply, ‘to get away’ is like having a friend of the devil.
One day at a time until forever