I’ve Been Addicted to Facebook
You have to be addicted to something. So I guess, if you have to be addicted to something, Facebook is the lesser of many evils available for addiction.
I definitely have been on Facebook more to ease my pain. It took some time for me to get depressed. Once we moved, I felt so good not being sick all the time, I never had time to grieve the pain, the loss of my dream home, my Dallas career, my friends, the familiarity of the place I called home.
It finally hit me like a load of frack manure. I’ve been functioning. Internally having conflict, sadness, depression, loss, and probably most lonely. Facebook seemed like the perfect way for me to pass the time, instead of drinking or doing drugs.
The last 4 plus weeks, it’s been really hard on me. I think, it has been the entire time, but it was kind like a honeymoon stage.
I think, I’m may finally be pulling out of it, at least hopefully.
I have realized in the last 4 weeks, I don’t like builds. My build has been no less than brutal finishing with a 2:50 run and a block 4:45, 2 hours on the bike.
I got to ride my mountain bike on Tuesday. Really fast. I haven’t ridden really fast forever. Ok, it wasn’t really that fast, but it was 12 hour race fast, and I really like going fast!!! I did 2 laps up Pino Canyon in 1:25. It was totally awesome.
Wednesday I took off, I didn’t want to but under the circumstances of waiting for Fed Ex so I could provide a signature for my new bike. So today I did I rode up La Luz and then, up Elena. It was good.
Fast Forward a few days:
It’s Sunday, I’ve done all my program design, I’m still meditating Justin’s week.
I was supposed to do my first Road Stage Race this weekend. I couldn’t. Friday night Rico Bandito didn’t eat his dinner, nor Saturday morning. My lungs were hurting slightly, either residual cold or allergies. I decided that was my fate to stay home and say good bye to our first born.
He’s been ready for weeks. He told me he wanted to go play with Garcia, his buddy. He’s been a good friend for 13 years. But when you’re not eating, or walking…what’s the point.
It was disappointing to say the least. I had been so excited about racing my ‘new boyfriend Scott’ I knew in my heart, Rico Bandito wanted to go to a better place, where he could run, and chase deer, and be the crazy bandito he has been for so many years.
Rico, the dog, whom left the children on the trail so many times, alone in their double jogger, as I bushwhacked through all sorts of interesting things to get him. If anybody understand quality of life, it’s me.
So yesterday we cried and cried and cried. And then, cried some more.
Today I went out for a nice meditational bike ride. Praying for little Rico Pico to go the light, make sure he wasn’t holding on to us anymore, that we would go find Garcia who has been waiting for him.
I took in all the beauty that God gives us, I gave thanks to the Universe and all the Good that is available to us. I was glad I didn’t head down to the TT and Crit, because it’s amazing how much crying can take out of you.
I felt the tiredness in my legs. There will always be other races, just not other Rico Pico’s, in our lives especially. Norwegian Elkhounds are Wild, my sister always thought he was mixed with wolf and called him the ‘wolf hound’ Him and Mojo would run for 6 hours, those crazy escape artists.
Mojo, 35 pounds more dog than Rico sometimes won’t run for me anymore. Today he did, but Monday he slowed me town on my 6 mile run, and Tuesday he said, ‘hell no’ I’m not doing any sprints with you.
Age can be debilitating, especially in dogs. They don’t have trainers or coaches, and often times get struck by cars and have total blood transfusions because they have heat stroke.
My 2 hour ride was delightful, perfect, just what the doctor ordered. I met a new friend today too. Climbing Tramway, a visitor from LA, who is been working on the new Johnny Depp movie that is being filmed here, Lone Ranger. Johnny Depp plays Tonto.
And I totally love my new bike. Play now, race later.
I did get a nice slow 2100 in on Friday, drills, I did a couple of 100’s with fins, on 1:30. Nothing special.