I surrender
It’s like that time I had bronchitis and a sinus infection and went to the Dirty Dozen, after 6 hours, I just had to quit. My lung sputem was so dry, I just couldn’t go on. I still got 3rd place.
It took Mr T to tell me I was warm. I have a fever of 100.
I’m done. I did everything that I could, and only a few people stood by me. Thank you to those who stood by me, that meant the world to me. I just can’t go on right now. I’m sick, and I’m tired, and if the members of my community want to sit back and let the quality of their lives deteriorate, then, I just feel like I can’t fight for them anymore without their help.
Today I cried. Today my heart was broken and I don ‘t feel that there is anything that can save it. What has happened to this beautiful creation that God gave us? What has happened to the morals that Jesus and God implored us to live our lives by: Protect thy neighbor.
I have put so much time and energy into this thing, I have done a juggling act not to go crazy. I have made self sacrifice.
Do we do as Jesus did? Or do we just ask for forgiveness when we go against everything that Jesus taught us? I pour my heart out to heal, I poured my heart out to help everybody in my community. I have sacrificed so much of myself. My heart bleeds out in sorrow today. I feel, like I have been prosecuted by ignorance of the dangers that surround us.
Greed doesn’t have any place in our society. I’m like the next person. I like to have nice things, a nice home, a Coach bag every once and a while. A 500 dollar Gortex Jacket and a 5000 dollar bike, is more like it. :o) But I would never sell my soul to the devil to get it. I would never sacrifice the safety of a young and innocent life, like an animal or a child.
My heart cries out in pain, defeat, loss. This community is but a stepping stone in our lives. It is not necessarily a permanent fixture of our future.
Yet, I had in my heart to fight to the bitter end. How many people in your life would give up everything for you so you could have a better life, even though long term, it doesn’t better theirs? I was that person and now I feel defeat.
This home is only a stepping stone of the future of ours but yet, I was willing to throw myself under a train.
Don’t you think that’s weird? Can you comprehend the sacrifices I have made over the last few months? Do you understand that this will kill us, maybe in 3 months, maybe in 6 months, maybe in 20 years?
I always say, ignorance will kill us. It’s true. What we don’t know will harm us. Just like cell phones, towers, and pollution of our air and ground water and toxins in our food supply chain.
I wish that I could convince you of the truth of the BEAST that is hovering over us. I wish you could understand that everyday I walk our neighborhood enjoying the beauty that surrounds us, I give thanks to God for everything that I have, everything that he has given us. We are killing it, we are killing each other with decisions that we make every day.
God didn’t put Jesus on this planet to laugh at everybody who didn’t understand the true meaning of God, he put him on this Earth to teach the people the Way of Truth. The path of true divinity.
I tried, I feel like I have done everything that I can, and today, I surrender to the lack of information that is prosecuting me. I can’t go on knowing that even though I have your back, you don’t have mine.
Life is too short to take things for granted, life is too short, to tread water, and fight the current of the river of Life. I had hope, I had the Light that feeds all things, but I feel like I don’t have the strength to continue in the same energy of Love that I had before today.
It’s hard for me to say enough. It’s hard for me to say, “oh well, what’s a few hydrocarbons, and radioactive material and benzene in our water supply?”, or “oh well about that methane and the benzene in the air?”
It’s hard for me to say, oh well, what’s 300 children at the Intermediate School that it’s likely half of them will develop health problems because of the drilling. It’s hard for me to turn my back on everything that surrounds me because Jesus has taught me to Love Everybody, to treat everybody as my neighbor, but right now, I just don’t have the strength to go on in this fight up stream.
I need to be recharged and know that you care about everything that I am doing. I need to know, that even though I am having my moment of darkness, that if bad showed up on my front door, or my back door, you would care enough to do what I have done, FIGHT.
I can’t stop crying, feeling the sorrow, the defeat. I can’t stop crying because I know without me fighting this whole Argyle Bartonville Community is going to perish into the abyss of the Oil and Gas Companies and the Greed that stands behind the decisions that are being made.
I’m sorry, but right now, I feel like I need to take my place in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights or in my case, under the rock of familiarity, with those who I know truly will have my back in case of an emergency.
If you feel that what I have been fighting for is important, if you feel like you want to help me regroup and find my strength, please let me know. If you feel I should come back from under my rock of familiarity and come out fighting, let me know because otherwise, my life and my bike miss me.