Goal(s)
To write more.
To have time to dust.
To have the time to scrub the toilet.
I am here right now. What did it take?
Being sick.
I pulled it together to race the Xterra Ruidoso. And was sick all last week: sore throat, fever, malaise.
The last time T and I were there we stayed at the Comfort Inn, my hair began falling out immediately, the hotel was filled with toxic scents/fragrances. (Remember most of them are). I thought, perhaps if I stay in a cheap motel for the race I would be okay. Turned out I was VERY wrong. Lesson learned. Guilty as charged, I wanted to go on a budget, since T was up in Colorado for his annual 14’er trip.
I arrived in Ruidoso and first went to the Disc Golf Course parking. I was unsure what the course was, so I went to Grindstone lake.
I was excited to ride the course again on the Big Bike with mountain bike tires; in lieu of Carbon Hardtail with gravel tires on. It will be the first time I will ride a bike that favors my weaknesses vs my strengths. I was running warm, fortunately I didn’t feel as terrible as I did last time I rode it. I did stop a couple of times on the climb, to not push the heat too high. There were a couple of guys on the course, older than myself. I was surprised they didn’t want to hang out for the rest of the ride. I have to be grateful, it’s not cool to spread your cooties, you know what I mean?!?! I took a chance with riding, I knew I was, I was falling back into the ‘optimistic’ to a fault mindset.
The course is AWESOME! Hard climb, I mean, hard. The top is rocks and super fast twisty smooth single track, and fun, don’t take your mind off what you’re doing descent.
On the way down I heard thunder. This made me nervous. It was dinner time, and I saw two sets of spinal columns. I’m in the woods, as a lightening rod, not knowing where I am in relation to the burn scar, and the bears and kitties are foraging for their last meal before sleep. What could possibly go wrong? Love when I see a deer, because then, I know I am not on a the menu. You get deep quick out there. Ruidoso is a small mountain town, in Lincoln National Forest. I thought I would run an experiment when I was getting ready to head back to town, and recheck my temperature. It was below 97, and I was slightly above a hundred when I started. That is just weird, and I didn’t expect it!
Of course, I was safe. I went to the motel, and to my room. No windows, in the bedroom, one tiny window the the bathroom, and no screen. This is not a good.
I got my kitchen, my office, and my gear unloaded, took all the stinky bedding, and put it in a corner with the non stink side up, in the hopes that it would help.
I didn’t sleep.
My hair started to fall out.
My bones started to ache.
I got wobbly.
I knew I was not going to be able to sleep another night here.
I was at a loss to what to do. My partner and crime was unavailable to assist me in working through it all. I found an allergy free hotel. No vacancy, perhaps an option. Josef said I could stay with him, hell I could have slept in my car IF I had put my bike rack on. I did learn, regardless of what happens, I win.
I ended up at the finish line, and hung out for a bit, finishing up a phone call. And I knew, I had to leave.
It’s a hard pill to swallow, I am unable to change who I am. I have been sick with chemical allergies since May of 2010. It makes my life VERY hard. I manage. We all have different things we deal with. Some of us are lucky enough to be the Canary. I remember the day I became sick. How I became this way. Why I am this way. I remember wanting to sue the Oil and Gas company. And being told, I couldn’t because Fastenal Co could be blacklisted. My life was changed in a moment, over years of being exposed to natural gas, fracking chemicals, and bathing, in contaminated water. I’m sick because we are surrounded by chemicals made from oil and gas. What’s true, is it’s making us all sick. Most of us slowly. Some of us more quickly. It’s easy to get depressed, and give up hope on humanity. How can I? How can I be sad that my body instantly rejects anything made from petroleum? Anything toxic?!?! Last year we learned more about chemical allergies, we learned it’s a mast cell deregulation. At that time I began a pomegranate supplement, there are a few foods that help in the regulation of mast cells. It does help, significantly, It’s not always enough.
To make matters more interesting, I had a bed bug scare on the way home, which led to be emptying my car; one item at a time!
The good news, I dusted!!
I also took some time to see how far Ruidoso was from the Permian Basin, what other type of industry was in Ruidoso that could be compounding to my ill health effects. I did see two lined open air what I assume were frack waster water pits. I love seeing those! Totally random, I know. Is the base close? If someone knows, please let me know.
Why Do We Make Things Harder than They Need to Be?
I have no idea. Especially when we are in the middle of a ‘comfort crisis’. Oooo. I just hit the hammer on the nail. I was looking at it all wrong. I was looking at it as, why do we make exercise a major ordeal, why do we make it complicated to get our exercise in. When actually, exercise can be hard, so we don’t want to do it!!
Okay, let me unpack this a little differently.
Let’s make doing exercise easier. We don’t have to go to a gym. We don’t have to go the woods. All we have to do is put our shoes on, open the door, and walk out. Our world is our gym, and we can find so much to do just by being outside.
- oh look at that step
- oh look at those stairs
- oh look at that bench
- oh look a hill
We just have to do.
Go outside and Play.
Grace
Learning to give ourselves GRACE when things look differently when we get there, than they did when we started. It is a life long practice. It’s hard to bail on something, in this case, Xterra, that means so much. I spent a lot of time tweaking my workouts, from what would have been the Stage Race, to what I wanted to be the Xterra. It just is. There isn’t anything I can do about it. Except give myself GRACE. One of life’s greatest gifts is the gift that allows us to PIVOT, and put us on a different trajectory to learn something more about ourselves, about our world, and about life to
Be Your Ultimate Potential.
Thanks for checking in! Keep exploring!
Coach Zoe